Shoe Phone
It’s important to point out that this must be an adult shoe. A toddler’s shoe is too little to make a great phone. But your shoe is perfect because its sole – its dirty, dirty sole – is large enough to cover your kiddo’s face from ear and mouth. We don’t know why toddlers do this. Perhaps it’s their ploy to get you to give them your actual phone. They think you’ll be so grossed out that you’ll just hand it over. Hmmm ..they might be right. Smart kids!
Toilet Tank Hiding Spot
If there was a poll conducted to find out what the No. 1 hiding spot for little kids was during hide-and-go-seek, we think the winner would be right behind the toilet. It’s the perfect spot for little kids because, due to their small size, their faces are covered by the toilet tank which is always really clean and never gets…splashed.
Wall Canvas
Once a toddler gets ahold of a bold and beautiful crayon (aka lipstick) she or he needs a really wonderful place to color with something so precious. Paper is so darn flat and ordinary. And for a toddler who really wants to make a statement, it isn’t big enough either. But a wall? Walls are pretty awesome. They’re enormous. And no matter what height a toddler is, she or he can always reach it. Better yet, when a toddler is finishing making his or her masterpiece, it’s already on display. No frame required!
Bathtub Toilet
Most people don’t talk about wanting to take a bath to get clean; they say they want to take a bath to relax. Well … a nice, warm bath also relaxes your nice, warm toddler. And – sometimes – when a toddler is relaxed enough then that toddler just might use the bathtub for something that’s the opposite of getting clean. And, for a parent, that’s the opposite of relaxing!
The Shoe Popsicle
If you’re reading this and have never once caught your child licking the bottom of your filthy shoe then consider yourself most fortunate. But, for the rest of us, we have been there and our toddlers have done – yuck – that. Why? It’s most likely the same reason that mountaineer George Mallory gave when asked why he would be climbing Mount Everest. “Because it’s there.”
Lipstick Crayon
Not just any lipstick. Red lipstick. The brighter ... the better! To a toddler, red lipstick is a glorious scarlet crayon that comes in its own beautiful case. This particular crayon isn’t kept in a box in the playroom with the other boring old crayons because it’s really special, which means that using it is a real treat!
Dog’s Bowl Of Water
When you’re a toddler, you have to rely on grown-ups for everything. If you want to go the park or the playground, you are at the mercy of an adult. If you just want a drink of water, you need an adult to get your sippy cup out of the cupboard, fill it with water and hand it to you. It’s frustrating! This is why having a dog around is very lucky for a little kid: Dogs come with doggie bowls that are a) often full of water and b) conveniently located on the floor. No parent necessary! No assembly required!
Toilet Plunger Microphone
You’ve heard the expression if it looks like a duck and swims like a duck, then it’s probably a duck. Well, if it kind of, sort of looks like a microphone and a toddler can get his little hands on it, then there’s a chance he’s going to sing into it. That’s right. The plunger! The one that you recently used to unclog your toilet. Cue your gag reflex!