Unlike the eerily quiet Pad People or the spritely Breezebums, a Deciblor will immediately announce its presence via its preferred method of communication: being really, really loud. While the screeching of the “Frozen” soundtrack is most commonly observed (and, unfortunately, heard), Deciblors are also known to make “music” with nearby silverware, expensive electronic devices, or any instrument foolishly given to them on a previous birthday. Luckily for those coping with infestations, many Deciblor-caused migraines disappear six to eight weeks after the beginning of the school year.
The impish, mischievous Breezebums has but one longing during the short summer: to be free. This desire to free itself from captivity — epitomized by the chafing shackles of clothing — often sets a Breezebum on a collision course with its neighboring parents. For mothers and fathers insistent on respecting public nudity laws, the Breezebum can prove a cunning foe, adept at wriggling out of the most tightly cinched outfits at the most inopportune moments — like church service or Bring Your Child to Work Day. But parents dealing with a Breezebum infestation might look on the bright side; a Breezebum / Crusty Demon hybrid would be much worse.
While the near-feral, mud-caked visage of a Digger can evoke feelings of terror in many parents, Diggers are surprisingly affectionate creatures. Therein lies the danger. A Digger’s penchant for playing in and with muck, mulch, sand, soil, red clay, brown clay, all clay, bugs, frogs, leaf piles, and objects that may or may not be dog poo makes their hugs a stomach-churning experience. Experts studying Digger behavior urge parents to keep their garden hoses at the ready.
Upon first encountering the unsettling Pad Person, many parents instinctively ask, “Who are you and what you done with my child?” Given their ghostly appearance, blank stare and almost total silence (broken only for the intermittent request to approve another in-app purchase), this reaction is easy to understand. The good news is that Pad People are easily restored to their former selves: in numerous cases, a quick sabotage of household Wi-Fi networks has been enough to release them from their pixel-dense purgatory.
Beauty, it is said, is in the eye of the beholder. Everything else is in a Behoarder’s loot pile. These voracious collectors are never satisfied with mere toys. Rather, they busy themselves gathering items like dingy blankets, oddly shaped sticks and pretty rocks. After the collecting ritual is finished, these creatures are known to lure parents into complimenting their odious junkpile. Parents should use extreme caution around a Behoarder’s stash: any missing item — whether the disappearance was caused by a parent or not — can unleash a destructive tantrum.
The oddity of the Phlegmalisk is that it is not one creature, but two. At times, it may seem indistinguishable from a normal, active, playful child. At other times, the Phlegmalisk reveals that beneath its energetic veneer lies a creature that is primarily composed of snot — snot which is often liberally and indiscriminately distributed to any individuals or items that come near it. Any parent approaching a suspected Phlegmalisk should take care to cover their mouths; it is guaranteed that Phlegmalisk will not.
Woe be unto the walls and floors and furniture (or basically any surface) of a domain inhabited by the many-huedPrismasaur. This otherwise docile little creature descends into a frenzy at the sight of a tastefully muted interior design scheme, which it attacks with permanent markers, acrylic paint and even the occasional bottle of nail polish. Early evidence suggests Prismasaurs may be distracted by placing a pristine drawing pad along its painting routes.
Some summertime monsters are benign. Some are irksome. But one is the stuff of parental nightmares: The Crusty Demon. Legends speak of a ravenous devourer of all things messy; a spiller of drinks; and a creature with fingers so sticky, they’re practically candycoated. Although encounters with the Demon are thankfully rare, scientists believe that almost 90 percent have been fatal to nearby furniture. The legends also offer hope: parental saliva, if applied vigorously, may temporarily stun the creature.
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